Balancing Act: Tips for Parents of Young Hockey Players
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Time to read 19 min
For kids, hockey isn’t just a sport—it’s an opportunity to learn, get active, have fun, and be part of a community. As a parent, it’s your job to help them through that journey; at the same time, figuring out where to start and how to tackle difficult situations and decisions can be overwhelming. There’s a lot to consider—how do you know what equipment to buy? How can you fit hockey into your family’s lifestyle? What programs are best? How can you keep your child motivated in hockey?
In this article, we’ll be looking into these topics and more. Whether your child is just starting or is already lacing up their skates, the goal should be to create a positive, enjoyable, and rewarding experience for them. We’ll go over tips on how to do just that.
Getting Started with Young Hockey Players
Invest in the Right Equipment
The easy answer is that the most expensive and higher-end hockey gear is made of the best materials and uses the best technology—which logically makes it better, right?
The best gear isn’t always the most expensive—it’s the gear that fits your child the best and is most comfortable for them to wear on the ice. It may seem more cost-effective to buy larger gear for them to “grow into,” but this isn’t always the most comfortable or even the safest course of action, and can even lower your child’s enjoyment of the game. Some manufacturers are now designing gear for younger players that can readjust as they grow, lessening the costs for you in the long run.
Of course, having a high enough budget to find brand-new gear may not work for every household. If you want our advice, focus the fitting part on essentials: that would be skates, helmet, and gloves. For the rest, it is perfectly okay to look at lower-end, cheaper, or used gear. Once your child shows more genuine interest in continuing with the sport, then that will be a good time to look at higher-end equipment so your child can compete at their best.
In terms of sticks, take a look at our other articles on finding the best stick for your child:
Time Management
Adding hockey to your child’s schedule requires some additional planning to ensure it fits your family’s schedule too.
Before entering hockey season, it’s important to double-check your family’s priorities:
Family time: This may include family obligations, weddings, religious practice, among other activities centred around your family and extended relatives.
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School and work: This will be a combination of your workplace and your child’s schooling. Both would be mostly mandatory—most schools would allow students to miss a few days or even a week for hockey tournaments, and you may decide to plan different hours at work to accommodate getting your child to hockey games and practices.
Personal time and wellbeing: Do note that hockey itself is a great way for your child—and even you—to relax and increase your and your child’s mental wellbeing. But sometimes it can be a bit too much; keep an open mind and listen to your child if they need some extra downtime.
Other sports and extracurriculars: We go into it in a bit more detail later, but will your child be playing multiple sports? Do the two occur during the same season/months of the year? Plan accordingly and decide if fitting both into your schedule is doable. If your child has any friends who also play both, it may be a good idea to look into carpooling options. Involving yourself in the sport and having a good relationship with the other players and parents will open up lots of options just in case you need that extra help. On that same note, carpooling can help lessen the cost of gas for both families. Remember that carpooling requires lots of communication; if there are issues, lay them out, and pitch in to help when you can.
Balancing hockey with other priorities is both about managing time and creating a schedule and lifestyle that works with everyone. Setting priorities, staying organized, and building good relationships within your child’s program or association are important for ensuring hockey is fun and manageable without being too overwhelming.
Find the Right Programs
While it might be tempting to enroll your child in the most prestigious or competitive programs, remember that the best one for your child will help them develop their skills while having fun. If they aren’t enjoying themselves, then there is little point in pursuing hockey further.
When evaluating different hockey programs—be it clubs, associations, schools, or camps—determine if there is a good balance between proper skill development, working hard, and fun. Bonus points if their friends will be there too; your child will be more likely to enjoy themselves and want to return if they are playing with their friends. On that note, try to involve them in the decision. Pay attention to their feedback after a few ice sessions; if they’re consistently unhappy or stressed out while on the ice, it may be time to try something new.
Consider the association; some may focus more on development and fun, whereas others might prioritize competition. For younger players, try to keep the focus on development and fun ; once they’ve played for a few years and if they want to be challenged to play at a more competitive level, then it may be worth looking into.
Photo by April Walker on Unsplash
Getting Involved
It’s not enough just to drop your child off at the rink and pick them up later, especially when they are young. Kids look up to their parents and guardians for support, encouragement, and guidance, meaning your involvement alone can be a powerful motivator for them—both on and off the ice. Be sure to get involved with your child’s hockey.
Your presence at games and practices matters more than you might think. Cheering them on from the stands shows you care and are interested in their game. This is true at every level of hockey, from beginners to advanced players. Your support can boost their confidence and help them feel proud of their accomplishments, big or small.
Getting involved doesn’t stop at being a supportive spectator. Many hockey associations rely on parent volunteers to keep things running smoothly. Assisting at tournaments, volunteering to manage the team, and even smaller gestures like helping your child’s teammates if they need a ride to the rink are all ways to contribute and get involved with the team and sport. These are also great ways to develop good relationships with other parents and coaches in your child’s association.
Keep it Positive
As a parent, you are your child’s first role model. Although they learn a lot from listening to their coaches and teammates, they are ultimately always looking to you for approval and support.
There is a hidden element of scouting that people may not realize: negativity can cost your child opportunities, no matter how skilled they are. Coaches, scouts, and teams notice when a player brings negative energy to the team. If your child is uncoachable, constantly blaming teammates, or picking fights on the ice and picking up too many penalties, it can overshadow their talent. I’ve seen skilled players cut from teams simply because their attitude didn’t align with the team’s values. Coaches want players (and parents) who are respectful, coachable, and hardworking. Energy builds off energy in a team sport environment, and if one source of energy is constantly negative, it can easily infect the entire team.
Keeping it positive both makes the game more enjoyable and sets your child up for success—both in hockey and life. Bringing positivity to the rink will help your child learn to become a better player, teammate, and person as they grow up.
Parent Conduct - From the Stands to the Ice
In the stands, your focus should be on providing encouragement and support—not just for your child or their team, but for everyone on the ice. Friendly competition is good and healthy, but making it a habit to cheer on everyone on the ice will set an overall good example for young players while encouraging a more positive and inclusive atmosphere for all players. Cheering for everyone also doesn’t necessarily mean ignoring the competitive aspect of the game, that being caring about who wins or loses; it could mean just celebrating when any player on the ice makes a good play or acknowledging when the ref makes a very close call.
On the other hand, harassing players, coaches, referees, or even the opposing team creates a toxic environment. Coaches are more likely to fight for players who are respectful, team-oriented, and eager to learn. A little competitive spirit is fine, but if it turns abusive, it’s no longer fun for anyone—especially the kids. And remember, at younger levels of hockey, most refs will also be kids and even more are still learning, just as the players are. There is absolutely no reason to harass young refs if they make a mistake. The energy you bring to the rink as a parent can make all the difference whether a young athlete or even a young ref wants to return to the rink again; don’t be the reason for a child’s negative experience.
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Realistic Expectations
It’s important to remember that the chances of making it to the NHL are extremely slim—estimates range from less than 1% to around 5%. Even being drafted doesn’t guarantee playing time, and as the game gets faster and more competitive, the odds only get tougher. If your child looks like a superstar now, there’s no guarantee they’ll continue to excel as they grow older or reach higher levels like college or Junior A hockey. This isn’t meant to discourage anyone from reaching their highest potential, but focusing solely on the NHL as the end goal can be unhealthy. Instead, celebrate their progress and enjoyment in the game. If they show promise later in their career, focus on college or Juniors first, and treat the NHL as a bonus if they make it that far.
For young kids especially, the long game of making it to the NHL should be out of the equation until that goal becomes a more realistic possibility. This is not just for your child’s wellbeing, but for yours as well—adding the stress of constantly excelling in hockey can decrease your child’s enjoyment while potentially increasing negative feelings they may have toward the sport.
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Keeping the Fun in Hockey
At the heart of it all, and especially for young players, the game should be fun. If your child isn’t having fun, it doesn’t matter how talented they are, how great their coaches are, or how elite their program is—they won’t reach their full potential.
Coaches at earlier levels have the dual responsibility of making sure the players are both having fun and developing their skills. Ideally, practices should be engaging and inclusive, with an emphasis on teamwork and personal growth.
For most kids early in their career, it’s less about winning and more about the thrill, the friendships, and the joy of being on the ice. You shouldn’t be forcing them to play the game; gentle encouragement is okay in the beginning, but if they aren’t enjoying themselves after several sessions or seasons, it may be time to have a conversation.
Listen
Keep communication between you and your child open—you want to listen to them if they have any feedback about their experiences in hockey. It’s important to know how they’re feeling and what they’d like to do going forward in hockey. Remember, their happiness and wellbeing are much more important than a trophy. Just as you want them to listen to you, they need to feel heard and understood by you.
These kinds of open and honest conversations are essential for their growth in the game. Ask them how they feel about their practices, games, and role on the team. Are they having fun? Are they feeling pressured? Stressed? Their answers will help you better support them and make other important decisions.
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It’s easy to get caught up in wanting your child to be the best on the ice, but if they’re just there to have fun, pushing them to be more competitive can backfire—leading to frustration and, ultimately, demotivation. Respect their goals, whether they’re aiming for the big leagues or just enjoying time with friends.
As your child gets more competitive in hockey, they may face tough team and coaching decisions that have to do with their role or playing time. As a parent, it may be tough to see your child sitting on the bench during a power play, playing defense instead of forward, or not getting as much ice time as you’d like. But if your child is positive about their role and trying to be a team player, it’s important to support them. Respect their attitude and the coach’s decisions, even if it’s not necessarily what you wanted. Your child’s willingness to embrace their role is a quality of teamwork that coaches look at.
Understanding Dropout
Playing hockey, like any team sport, is a good way to stimulate physical and mental growth and health. However, there may come a time when your child considers dropping out. Understanding the reasons behind this decision is important for figuring out how to fix any issues or let go as well.
There are many reasons young hockey players may decide to leave hockey. Some common ones include wanting to explore other activities, losing interest, the game no longer satisfying their needs and wants, frustration at not keeping up skill-wise with other kids, and burnout.
A key factor in keeping kids engaged in hockey is ensuring they feel safe and supported. A “safe” hockey environment means a team or program where they can learn, grow, and have fun without worrying about being criticized or punished for mistakes. In this environment, they need to feel valued and included, regardless of their skill level. Parents and coaches play a critical role in providing these conditions. While coaches at higher levels may need to prioritize winning, parents can help by focusing on promoting effort, attitude, and teamwork. A positive mindset and supportive atmosphere can make all the difference in keeping your child motivated.
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One way to look into how kids and players may keep themselves motivated is through Self-Determination Theory (SDT). According to SDT, motivation comes from fulfilling three basic psychological needs: autonomy, feeling in control of one’s choices and actions; competence, believing one can succeed and improve by doing the task; and relatedness, feeling connected to one’s community through the task. If these needs are met, the person is more likely to stay motivated and engaged. If not, they may lose interest. Having an open conversation can identify if your child’s needs in these areas are met. Identifying any missing elements and addressing them accordingly is the best course of action in supporting your child in hockey.
And sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child may decide it’s time to hang up their skates. If they’re no longer enjoying hockey, it’s important to listen to them and respect their decision. At the same time, it’s a major decision, especially if you’ve had them in hockey for a while. Some important questions to consider:
Have you tried everything to reignite their passion for the game?
Are their needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness being met?
Is continuing to play hockey worth the toll on their mental health and your family’s financial health?
If any problems regarding these questions arise, then it’s crucial that you address them and decide if they can be resolved. If you’ve tried everything, then it may just be time to let go. Forcing them to continue when they don’t want to can put strain on your relationship, harming their mental health and your finances on a sport that’s no longer fun for anyone.
Keeping Them Motivated
Of course, your child dropping out of hockey is a drastic ending; fortunately, there are strategies you can employ to avoid this outcome. At the early stages of a child’s hockey career, there is nothing more important than keeping them interested in the game, and doing that requires having an understanding of what drives them to continue playing. You need to allow your child to thrive in an environment that supports them, both as a player and as a person, or they won’t want to return to the sport. Every child is also different, so it’s important to figure out what keeps them engaged.
Figure out what inspires your child the most when playing hockey. Do they enjoy playing with their friends, do they like to improve their skills and get better, or do they enjoy the competition and being on the ice? Once you know what motivates them, then you can start tailoring your support and their development to align with their goals and interests.
Avoid Comparisons with Teammates
Comparing your child to teammates is one of the quickest ways to discourage them or create tension within their team. It can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and reduced motivation while shifting their focus from personal growth to outperforming others—ultimately hindering their development and enjoyment of the game.
If you do compare, focus on playstyles and decision-making, not skills. Encourage your child to observe and learn from experienced and professional players, like how they read the goalie, make smart shots, and set up their teammates for a goal. This approach encourages a more team-focused and strategic mindset, rather than chasing stats.
Try to encourage them to compete with themselves, particularly when they are first developing their skills. Celebrate their progress, no matter how small, and help them set personal goals that focus on improvement rather than comparison.
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More on Self-Determination Theory (SDT)
We already mentioned SDT, but there’s another element to it outside of personal needs that looks at factors of motivation. SDT studies human motivation and how intrinsic and extrinsic factors can influence behaviour. In hockey, this means understanding what motivates your child to keep playing and giving their best.
Intrinsic Motivation: This comes from within. Your child plays hockey because they genuinely enjoy the game, love the challenge, or like to improve their skills.
Extrinsic Motivation: This comes from external rewards or pressures. Your child might play to win, avoid punishment, or receive praise from others.
Basic needs of Self-Determination Theory. From Psychopedia; Source Link.
SDT argues that intrinsic motivation is more sustainable than extrinsic motivation. A child who plays hockey for enjoyment is more likely to stick with it than one motivated by rewards like candy for playing. Extrinsically motivated players may only do just enough to earn rewards or avoid punishment, prioritizing winning or personal stats over teamwork and growth and potentially hindering their development and team dynamics.
The overjustification effect occurs when extrinsic motivation (like rewards) reduces intrinsic motivation. For example, if your child already loves hockey, offering candy for playing may lessen their natural enjoyment of the game. Over time, they might shift their focus from loving the game to just playing for the reward.
Of course, hockey requires a healthy balance of motivation. Missing part of our needs can cause our entire drive to break down, so encourage your child to enjoy the game and focus on improvement. The excitement of winning can be great in moderation, but it should complement their love of the sport—celebrate team wins and effort rather than individual stats or rewards.
Achievement Goal Theory
Achievement Goal Theory, another angle of motivational psychology, also uses mastery vs. performance goals to explain how people set, pursue, and perceive their success. In hockey, it helps understand how players stay motivated.
Similar to SGT, AGT focuses on two main types of goals :
Mastery Goals (Task-Oriented) : These goals focus on improvement, personal growth, and as implied, mastery of skills. A mastery goal in hockey could be learning a new deke or improving skating technique.
Performance Goals (Ego-Oriented) : These goals focus on outperforming others, gaining recognition, and showing that they are the best. A performance goal in hockey could be becoming a points leader in the league, being named MVP after a game, or being appointed as captain of a team.
These types of goals can then be further categorized into approach and avoidance orientations.
Approaches of Achievement Goal Theory. From Helpful Professor; Source Link.
Mastery-Approach : Striving to improve skills or master a task.
Mastery-Avoidance : Avoiding a task entirely to keep from failing to improve or losing a skill.
Performance-Approach : Striving to outperform others or be the best.
Performance-Avoidance : Avoiding a task entirely so they don’t look incompetent or outperformed.
This theory also emphasizes the importance of the environment in goal orientation, also known as goal structures . As implied, a Mastery Goal Structure emphasizes effort, improvement, and teamwork, whereas a Performance Goal Structure emphasizes competition, rankings, and outperforming others.
Like SDT, finding the right balance between mastery and performance goals is key, especially for kids. Mastery goals focus on skill development, while performance goals drive competitiveness and exceeding expectations.
Excessive focus on performance goals can lead to unsportsmanlike behaviour or pressure to outperform , whereas too much emphasis on mastery goals might result in prioritizing personal stats over team success . The ideal approach is to encourage approach orientations (striving for improvement and success) while maintaining a balance between mastery and performance goals. This way, your child stays competitive while also valuing their own growth and teamwork.
Beyond the Rink
Even if hockey is your child’s main passion, encourage them to try other sports and activities, especially when they’re young. A well-rounded schedule helps them grow as athletes and happier kids.
Focusing solely on hockey can put repetitive stress on specific muscles and joints, increasing the risk of overuse injuries. While early specialization—that being, deciding to play only hockey—isn’t proven to cause overuse injuries directly, there is still a strong correlation. Playing multiple sports helps develop different muscle groups, reduces burnout, and keeps hockey fresh and exciting by giving your child the occasional mental and physical break from it.
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Studies have found that young athletes who play multiple sports become “smarter learners." Essentially, exposure to different coaching styles, practice techniques, and game strategies in other sports will help them develop a broader skill set and a better understanding of general sport fundamentals. These skill sets can then translate to better learning and coachability in hockey.
Similarly, letting your child play sports in environments with less structure (scrimmages, stick-and-puck, road hockey, etc.) can add some extra creativity to their play. In these environments, without real “rules,” young players can better decide if hockey is the right sport for them.
Further Reading
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Back, Jenny, et al. “Drop-out from team sport among adolescents: A systematic review and meta-analysis of prospective studies.” Psychology of Sport and Exercise, vol. 61, July 2022. Source Link.
“Balancing Sports and Grades: A Parent’s Guide.” Engenius Learning Center, n.d. Source Link.
Bledsoe, Jackie. “How to Balance Multiple Kids Playing Multiple Sports.” Coach Up Nation, 19 Dec 2023. Source Link.
Buonocore, Nick. “The Parent Problem of Youth Sports.” Reformed Sports Project, 14 Oct 2022. Source Link.
Cherry, Kendra. “Intrinsic Motivation vs. Extrinsic Motivation: What’s the Difference?” Very Well Mind, 13 Dec 2023. Source Link.
Cherry, Kendra. “Self-Determination Theory in Psychology.” Very Well Mind, 18 July 2024. Source Link.
Cook, Bob. “How to Become a Better Sports Parent: Stop Caring.” Forbes, 29 March 2013. Source Link.
DiFiori, John P, et al. “The NBA and Youth Basketball: Recommendations for Promoting a Healthy and Positive Experience.” Sports Medicine, 30 June 2018. Source Link.
Joussemet, Mireille, et al. “A Self-Determination Theory Perspective on Parenting.” Canadian Psychology, vol. 49, no. 3, pp. 194-200, 2008. Source Link.
Kalchman, Lois. “Making NHL a Very Long Shot.” Hockey Canada, 24 Jan 2003. Source Link.
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Nauert, Rick. “Modeling Behavior for Children Has Long-Lasting Effects.” PsychCentral, 27 May 2018. Source Link.
Nielsen, Mark and Keyan Tomaselli. “Overimitation in Kalahari Bushman Children and the Origins of Human Cultural Cognition.” Association for Psychological Science, vol 21, no. 5, 16 April 2010. Source Link.
Paul C., Gregory. “Achievement Goal Theory: Definition and Examples.” Helpful Professor, 30 Sept 2023. Source Link.
“Play More than One Sport to Be a Better, Healthier Athlete.” University of Washington: Learning Center, Injuries & Prevention, n.d. Source Link.
Rogers, Hamish. “How do I support my child to maintain a love of sport, regardless of ability?” Balance is Better, 29 April 2024. Source Link.
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Tim Turk Hockey Blog Admin. “Coaching Your Own Child in Minor Hockey.” Tim Turk Hockey, 25 Aug 2020. Source Link.
Tim Turk Hockey Blog Admin. “Do’s and Don’ts for New Hockey Parents.” Tim Turk Hockey, 25 Oct 2023. Source Link.
Tim Turk Hockey Blog Admin. “Encouraging Your Teammates.” Tim Turk Hockey, 1 March 2022. Source Link.
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“What is an overuse injury?” Boston Children’s Hospital, n.d. Source Link.
